Dan O’Toole
Child Expert | Family Report Writer | Mediation Consultant
November 19, 2024
Children react in different ways to their parents separating, though their capacity to cope is enhanced when parents are sensitive to their needs. If children are aware of adult issues or emotions, they can experience loyalty conflicts. When this occurs, children can share differing information with each of their parents to deal with their predicament.
Well-meaning parents often believe it is best for children to make decisions about arrangements though this can be overwhelming for children who are not mature enough to manage this level of responsibility. In addition, children do not have some of the contextual information which informs decision making.
Despite responsibility for decision making resting with adults, however, consideration should be given to the feelings and/or views of the children. If a child’s voice is heard in mediation, it can assist parents to focus on their needs/feelings rather than becoming stuck on adult issues or conflict.
When I am involved in Child Inclusive Mediation, I typically speak with children who are school age and above. There are exceptions to this if a younger child expresses themselves well or an older child has difficulties with receptive and/or expressive communication.
So that children can speak openly with someone impartial, meetings occur with children on their own in a neutral location. After speaking with children, I canvass what they are comfortable contributing and use discretion when sharing sensitive information with parents. In my capacity as a Child Expert, I can integrate information provided by children with an understanding of the family dynamics, the child’s stage of development and their level of maturity to assist the parents plan in a way which is child centred.
The process takes a full day and commences with child interviews in the morning. Unlike Family Reports, Child Inclusive Mediation does not include observations of children with their parents and/or a review of collateral information.